So I finally have enough money to get my tattoo! I am going to Quillian with Veronika tomorrow to have them check things out and get everything in order. Hopefully I'll be able to schedule an appointment sometime next week (?) to actually get it done. Sarah is going to come with me. I'm really excited but really REALLY nervous. I'm such a pussy when it comes to pain, haha.
I saw Marley and Me yesterday. It wasn't as good as the book (obvious) but still made me cry (also obvious). It made me think of the mortality of my dogs and I was sad until Sarah and I smoked last night. We also smoked hookah with Veronika, which was extremely nice.
I don't really know what else to say except that I simply CANNOT wait for my tattoo. =D
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sunday, December 21, 2008
!
I want to go back to school. Being home has made me feel like a complete failure and now that my dad hates me, I hate being in my house.
Let's start with the fact that I've been smoking weed nonstop since I came home last Friday, and today (Saturday, not Sunday) is the first time I have been completely sober for almost a day in 2 weeks. Sarah and I smoked the last of our shit last night and we aren't smoking anymore for quite a while. I've eaten so much in the week that I've been home, I've gained 7 pounds. I was losing weight at school, and now that I'm home I'm a fatty. Haha not really. But it's made me really feel like a lazy stoner bum.
Not to mention my dad caught Sarah and I high as mother fuckers a few days ago. He was really pissed but got over it a lot faster than he did the first time.
However, on Friday he caught me smoking a cigarette and he hasn't spoken more than one word to me since. He was out later than I was last night and refused to tell me where he was. Apparently, he was on a date (at least that's what my aunt told me). I even texted and asked where he was at almost 4 in the morning and he replied out. and said nothing else.
It makes me really upset to think that our relationship as it was has been irreparably damaged. My dad and I used to have a fantastic father-daughter connection. We were on the same page for almost anything we would discuss. Now he feels like he doesn't know me and doesn't like where I'm headed. This just makes me feel worse and worse about myself.
I want to go back to school. I don't feel guilty of everything I do there. Not to mention, I don't have a need to feel guilty as often as I do at home. Boy is there, some great friends are there (don't worry, from home friends, you guys are the only reason I actually want to stay in Allentown), I'm on my own there...
Basically, I miss West Chester. With all of my heart. I cannot wait to be back.
Other reasons Allentown sucks: AMC needs to die. Eric tried to schedule me to work a double on Christmas Day. Now, granted, I don't do as much on Christmas Day as I do on Christmas Eve, but...a DOUBLE?! Really, Eric?
Thankfully, Angie took half of that shift (the better half, in my opinion...instead of postponing family events until later, she is able to get the events over with by 330 and then leave) and traded me for a shift on Monday.
I need money. I don't care if they are short on hours, I NEED MONEY. The only thing in the world keeping my spirits up right now is the prospect of studying abroad next year. No money, no Europe. I need Europe.
To sum my life up in the ever popular teen phrase:
fuck my life.
Let's start with the fact that I've been smoking weed nonstop since I came home last Friday, and today (Saturday, not Sunday) is the first time I have been completely sober for almost a day in 2 weeks. Sarah and I smoked the last of our shit last night and we aren't smoking anymore for quite a while. I've eaten so much in the week that I've been home, I've gained 7 pounds. I was losing weight at school, and now that I'm home I'm a fatty. Haha not really. But it's made me really feel like a lazy stoner bum.
Not to mention my dad caught Sarah and I high as mother fuckers a few days ago. He was really pissed but got over it a lot faster than he did the first time.
However, on Friday he caught me smoking a cigarette and he hasn't spoken more than one word to me since. He was out later than I was last night and refused to tell me where he was. Apparently, he was on a date (at least that's what my aunt told me). I even texted and asked where he was at almost 4 in the morning and he replied out. and said nothing else.
It makes me really upset to think that our relationship as it was has been irreparably damaged. My dad and I used to have a fantastic father-daughter connection. We were on the same page for almost anything we would discuss. Now he feels like he doesn't know me and doesn't like where I'm headed. This just makes me feel worse and worse about myself.
I want to go back to school. I don't feel guilty of everything I do there. Not to mention, I don't have a need to feel guilty as often as I do at home. Boy is there, some great friends are there (don't worry, from home friends, you guys are the only reason I actually want to stay in Allentown), I'm on my own there...
Basically, I miss West Chester. With all of my heart. I cannot wait to be back.
Other reasons Allentown sucks: AMC needs to die. Eric tried to schedule me to work a double on Christmas Day. Now, granted, I don't do as much on Christmas Day as I do on Christmas Eve, but...a DOUBLE?! Really, Eric?
Thankfully, Angie took half of that shift (the better half, in my opinion...instead of postponing family events until later, she is able to get the events over with by 330 and then leave) and traded me for a shift on Monday.
I need money. I don't care if they are short on hours, I NEED MONEY. The only thing in the world keeping my spirits up right now is the prospect of studying abroad next year. No money, no Europe. I need Europe.
To sum my life up in the ever popular teen phrase:
fuck my life.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Passenger.
So I have been smoking almost nonstop since i have been home. And during finals week. Ha. However, part of my experience last night defined my life.
So the deal is, when I smoke I don't realize I'm fucked up until I understand how I'm thinking about things. When I'm high, I analyze everything much too in-depth.
Anyways, we were sitting in Sarah's car just chillin before we went into my house and she put this song, "Passenger," by the Deftones on. A few seconds into the song, I had this intense visualization of what the song would be compared to real life.
Basically, it starts out and there's a guy at some nice isolated beach just wandering along the shore line. He dives into the ocean and swims around underwater for a long time, but starts to notice a storm brewing. He gets knocked around with strong winds and waves and starts struggling to get back to the surface each time he is hit under. He eventually begins to drown, and he travels through a portal sort of thing that is completely void of light except for a few star-like beings. He gets sent to Hell. The vocals of the song begins, and he is wandering Hell searching for any other being or anything at all. Everything is dark and firey, there is a complete void of life (or death) forms. He is found by Satan and beaten. He is sent to a dark room and kept there until he heals, when the devil finds him again and beats him. He makes an escape attempt and succeeds, passing through the live world. He stays there for a while, but becomes more and more life-like, making it evident that he was dead. His skin was gaunt and stuck to his bones, his eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. He was smuggled back to the gateway from Hell but happened to escape again once he was stronger. He speeds through the Earth portal and ends up at the gates of Heaven. He is turned away after waiting a long period of time and is forced to return to Earth and dig his own grave.
I don't understand this. I NEVER have this intense of a thought. wtf.
devan
So the deal is, when I smoke I don't realize I'm fucked up until I understand how I'm thinking about things. When I'm high, I analyze everything much too in-depth.
Anyways, we were sitting in Sarah's car just chillin before we went into my house and she put this song, "Passenger," by the Deftones on. A few seconds into the song, I had this intense visualization of what the song would be compared to real life.
Basically, it starts out and there's a guy at some nice isolated beach just wandering along the shore line. He dives into the ocean and swims around underwater for a long time, but starts to notice a storm brewing. He gets knocked around with strong winds and waves and starts struggling to get back to the surface each time he is hit under. He eventually begins to drown, and he travels through a portal sort of thing that is completely void of light except for a few star-like beings. He gets sent to Hell. The vocals of the song begins, and he is wandering Hell searching for any other being or anything at all. Everything is dark and firey, there is a complete void of life (or death) forms. He is found by Satan and beaten. He is sent to a dark room and kept there until he heals, when the devil finds him again and beats him. He makes an escape attempt and succeeds, passing through the live world. He stays there for a while, but becomes more and more life-like, making it evident that he was dead. His skin was gaunt and stuck to his bones, his eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. He was smuggled back to the gateway from Hell but happened to escape again once he was stronger. He speeds through the Earth portal and ends up at the gates of Heaven. He is turned away after waiting a long period of time and is forced to return to Earth and dig his own grave.
I don't understand this. I NEVER have this intense of a thought. wtf.
devan
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Home for a Month.
So I'm home, and it came much sooner than I would have liked.
Don't get me wrong, I am happier beyond all happy to be at home for an entire month. However, the events of Thursday night into Friday morning made my desire to stay at school much stronger than I could have thought.
I certainly won't go into detail (let's just say that I don't kiss and tell...haha) but let me reflect on the events of the evening.
1. Movie number 1.
2. Cigarette. Movie number 2.
3. Stop sitting in chairs, start sitting on floor.
4. Comfortably close. Movie ends.
5. Start movie number 3. Watch about 5 minutes. Fun ensues.
6. Movie gets turned off. Sit and more fun until 615 AM.
7. Smoke. Not cigarettes.
8. Get breakfast, can't control self. Good weed. REALLY good weed.
9. Boy leaves for final. Sleep.
10. Get ready to go home. Boy comes to visit, then leaves for final. Am sad.
11. Come home. See Sarah. Fun night.
12. Wake up, miss boy. Hardcore.
...it's going to be a long month.
Don't get me wrong, I am happier beyond all happy to be at home for an entire month. However, the events of Thursday night into Friday morning made my desire to stay at school much stronger than I could have thought.
I certainly won't go into detail (let's just say that I don't kiss and tell...haha) but let me reflect on the events of the evening.
1. Movie number 1.
2. Cigarette. Movie number 2.
3. Stop sitting in chairs, start sitting on floor.
4. Comfortably close. Movie ends.
5. Start movie number 3. Watch about 5 minutes. Fun ensues.
6. Movie gets turned off. Sit and more fun until 615 AM.
7. Smoke. Not cigarettes.
8. Get breakfast, can't control self. Good weed. REALLY good weed.
9. Boy leaves for final. Sleep.
10. Get ready to go home. Boy comes to visit, then leaves for final. Am sad.
11. Come home. See Sarah. Fun night.
12. Wake up, miss boy. Hardcore.
...it's going to be a long month.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Let's Get Fucked Up!!
My title: excellent song haha.
My week has been half uneventful and half excellent.
However, because of this excellent half, I no longer want to go home.
sigghhhhhh.
I have a final at 330 and I haven't study at all.
I can't wait until it's over so I can smoke some more.
merr this rain sucks.
[[and i hope boy likes me...he's really very hard to read]]
My week has been half uneventful and half excellent.
However, because of this excellent half, I no longer want to go home.
sigghhhhhh.
I have a final at 330 and I haven't study at all.
I can't wait until it's over so I can smoke some more.
merr this rain sucks.
[[and i hope boy likes me...he's really very hard to read]]
Monday, December 8, 2008
BLlllegggghhhh
So I've been awake for 32 hours now (except for 2 twenty minute naps) and it really sucks.
Last night it was fine. I had a good time with a boy on my floor. It was fun and pretty spectacular.
Throughout the day I got really stressed out with work I had to do (my own damn fault) and finished a paper due at 3. Probably the worst ending to a paper I have ever written. I honestly think I may have been slightly out of my mind at points.
After that class was over, I walked home and prepared to pass out. Katie calls. "Wanna come sell your books with us?" Sure, why not. I need money anyways. I got 119 dollars, which was really, really exciting.
Katie, Amanda, and Yvonne asked if I wanted to walk to Main Hall with them. No, thank you very much. I might die if I stay awake much longer. So I walked home again. Crawl into bed. Katie calls. "Are you coming to dinner?" Grunt, grunt, srrrryyyymmmph tirrrrrd.
So I lay in bed for about 10 minutes...and then mom+breast cancer really hit me for the first time (note to self: never pull all-night-into-the-next-day-ers after a family illness or anything of the sort). I'm thinking it was because I was so vulnerable due to lack of sleep, but it was terrible. I don't know how long I cried, all I do know is that I cried myself to sleep and woke up an hour after I started crying. I had to have been sobbing for at least a half hour, but the half hour sleep seems to have rejuvenated me, for now.
I couldn't fall asleep again so I took a shower and now I don't know what to do because I wanted to hang out with boy but he's still passed out.
I'm starving but I'm pretty sure everyone has eaten already.
What a shit day.
Last night it was fine. I had a good time with a boy on my floor. It was fun and pretty spectacular.
Throughout the day I got really stressed out with work I had to do (my own damn fault) and finished a paper due at 3. Probably the worst ending to a paper I have ever written. I honestly think I may have been slightly out of my mind at points.
After that class was over, I walked home and prepared to pass out. Katie calls. "Wanna come sell your books with us?" Sure, why not. I need money anyways. I got 119 dollars, which was really, really exciting.
Katie, Amanda, and Yvonne asked if I wanted to walk to Main Hall with them. No, thank you very much. I might die if I stay awake much longer. So I walked home again. Crawl into bed. Katie calls. "Are you coming to dinner?" Grunt, grunt, srrrryyyymmmph tirrrrrd.
So I lay in bed for about 10 minutes...and then mom+breast cancer really hit me for the first time (note to self: never pull all-night-into-the-next-day-ers after a family illness or anything of the sort). I'm thinking it was because I was so vulnerable due to lack of sleep, but it was terrible. I don't know how long I cried, all I do know is that I cried myself to sleep and woke up an hour after I started crying. I had to have been sobbing for at least a half hour, but the half hour sleep seems to have rejuvenated me, for now.
I couldn't fall asleep again so I took a shower and now I don't know what to do because I wanted to hang out with boy but he's still passed out.
I'm starving but I'm pretty sure everyone has eaten already.
What a shit day.
hah. random.
I think I have a crush on a boy on my floor...haha don't know why I'm posting this but whatevs. He's so nice!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Lame Night
I planned on going out last night with my friends because we had absolutely nothing to do and none of us have actually been to a party here in West Chester yet. Extremely depressing.
So we got all prettied up (I'll post a picture when my friend Amanda sends them to me) and went out. We all texted our party-er friends to see what places were having parties, but they all were either staying in, didn't know where to go, or said they'd get back to us. We took matters into our own hands and wandered to Walnut Street (where all the best party houses are).
Let me just say, Amanda and Katie were pretty well protected from the cold and snowy conditions, but Yvonne and I definitely were not. I was wearing a black dressy babydoll top with leggings and flats and Yvonne was wearing a dress and boots. We had coats, of course, but it still wasn't enough. Amanda fell in the snow, which was moderately hilarious.
We ended up walking around for about an hour before giving up and, defeated, heading back to Ramsey. My feet were so numb I didn't feel the bleeding blister on my ankle until I was more or less thawed out.
Needless to say, we ended our night all extremely grumpy. At least we got pictures haha. My boobs are really obvious in one, and I look like a monster in a few of the others. I never have makeup that heavy, but Yvonne did it. It looks nice, I guess I'm just not used to it on my face. I'm thinking I'll stick with my modest attire unless we try more parties in the future.
I borrowed money from Katie today to invest in some much-needed cigarettes. I wanted to head over to the Registrar to get my transcript (I can't send in my study abroad apps until I get it) but I forget it was Sunday. More wasted time in the cold.
I really need gloves. My nanna washed mine last year and they shrank to doll-size. Fuck.
I guess I can get some over winter break...
I haven't talked to my mom recently. I tried calling her today but she wasn't around. I hope she is doing well.
I guess I should stop procrastinating and finish my writing portfolio self-assessment.
Or go eat dinner...
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Flexeril
I took some muscle relaxers last night with my friends Katie, Amanda, and Yvonne. We were so bored and there wasn't much else to do so beforehand, we watched Animal House and played Apples to Apples.
Back at Amanda and Yvonne's we contemplated Amanda's migraine meds. The side effects all sounded neat, except for bloody diarrhea. Not fun. We decided on Yvonne's Flexeril.
Needless to say, I ate then slept for almost 13 hours. We all woke up at random points in the night and the strangest things happened..
Sleep has never come so easily. It was like dead sleep.
Crap, I can't believe that it's already after 4. I've only been up for 2 1/2 hours.
It's supposed to snow tonight here in West Chester. We've already seen a few flurries but nothing special.
I usually hate the snow, but here it rocks. The campus is pretty enough to make the snow enjoyable. Not to mention, throwing snowballs at the dorm windows is really fun.
Unfortunately, 24-hour quiet hours are in effect until next Sunday. Stupid finals. I only have one though. Too bad it's on Thursday so I have to pretend to study more than I actually am so that I actually have something to do.
Home is so close, I'm getting really excited.
Especially to see Joe (my almost-boy). I haven't seen him in foreverrrr.
My roommate's boyfriend is here from Temple this weekend. They have sex a lot. I'm almost never in the room when he's here. He's kinda strange, but it's all good...I guess. Haha.
I guess I should go and try to get some work done (or color...I colored yesterday and Brittany and I decorated our room with snowflakes. It was extremely enjoyable.)
Peace out, friends.
Back at Amanda and Yvonne's we contemplated Amanda's migraine meds. The side effects all sounded neat, except for bloody diarrhea. Not fun. We decided on Yvonne's Flexeril.
Needless to say, I ate then slept for almost 13 hours. We all woke up at random points in the night and the strangest things happened..
Sleep has never come so easily. It was like dead sleep.
Crap, I can't believe that it's already after 4. I've only been up for 2 1/2 hours.
It's supposed to snow tonight here in West Chester. We've already seen a few flurries but nothing special.
I usually hate the snow, but here it rocks. The campus is pretty enough to make the snow enjoyable. Not to mention, throwing snowballs at the dorm windows is really fun.
Unfortunately, 24-hour quiet hours are in effect until next Sunday. Stupid finals. I only have one though. Too bad it's on Thursday so I have to pretend to study more than I actually am so that I actually have something to do.
Home is so close, I'm getting really excited.
Especially to see Joe (my almost-boy). I haven't seen him in foreverrrr.
My roommate's boyfriend is here from Temple this weekend. They have sex a lot. I'm almost never in the room when he's here. He's kinda strange, but it's all good...I guess. Haha.
I guess I should go and try to get some work done (or color...I colored yesterday and Brittany and I decorated our room with snowflakes. It was extremely enjoyable.)
Peace out, friends.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Weekend.
I had my last math class today. Thank god.
The weekend is going to be pretty uneventful, because everyone will be studying for finals. I don't have any until Thursday. .:sigh:.
I wanted to shower this morning, but my roommate was in one shower, some other chick was in the next, and somebody broke the third and the stream is more like a jet than a shower.
I need to shower before eleven though, because I'm going to lunch and feel disgusting.
Less than a week til I can go home =D
The weekend is going to be pretty uneventful, because everyone will be studying for finals. I don't have any until Thursday. .:sigh:.
I wanted to shower this morning, but my roommate was in one shower, some other chick was in the next, and somebody broke the third and the stream is more like a jet than a shower.
I need to shower before eleven though, because I'm going to lunch and feel disgusting.
Less than a week til I can go home =D
Thursday, December 4, 2008
It Started Out Being a Pretty Good Day...
This post is going to be much more subdued and possibly somber compared to my frantic update last night.
I got through making my poster this morning, I skipped Math to do it (whoops) but since I'm not almost certain I'm failing Geology, I figured I'd better try to keep my grade up.
It was totally worth the effort, I got a 95! I'm so proud of myself.
I also got through my Effective Writing presentation on why abstinence-only sex ed. should be expanded to comprehensive sex education. I was proud of my efforts, at least. One of my group members was slightly retarded in the "making a powerpoint" sense. I can't understand how a freshman in college has so much trouble making sentences and phrases make sense. This is one of the videos we used, it's rather enjoyable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG1WMaso2YI
After we presented, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Nevermind the fact that I skipped Math for the 6th time, 4 more times than we are allowed to be unexcused. Also nevermind my Linguistics test tomorrow, or the fact that I'm not waking up at 8 for the study group like I told myself I would. My day seemed to be ending great.
My friend Katie came back to my room after dinner to tell me stories and we were singing to oldies but goodies (well...Dream Street isn't exactly a goodie, but it made me nostalgic, at least). Then my mom started texting me.
Not that this is a bad thing. I text my parents a lot. It's just that this particular text reminded me that my mom was supposed to be getting test results back for a certain lump that was found...
I tried asking her how she was but she kept ignoring my questions and throwing more of her own back at me. She finally told me to call when I got the chance, so I ushered Katie out of the room (she left willingly, which made me happy...I felt bad kicking her out) and called right away.
So...my mom has breast cancer and I don't know how to feel. I cried when she told me, but I have never been in a situation like this before, and I'm oddly blank. I'm not all that upset, because everyone keeps telling me that it will be fine. Everybody is confident that my mom can get through this. But, what if she doesn't? I don't know if I can handle that. I finally got close to my mom, something I've been trying to achieve practically since birth, and if she leaves me now I don't know what I'd do.
I'm calmer about it now than I was upon receiving the news, but I still get that squishy feeling in my stomach when I think about it. Talking to Sarah and my roommate, Brittany, definitely helped but the feeling won't go away.
I guess for now I'm just going to stay positive.
However, number 1 on my to-do list is to research breast cancer so I can be there with her for the ride. I don't like being kept in the dark.
On a slightly lighter note, my life is fucked.
Dad's mom-stint with bc.
Dad's sister-stint with bc.
Mom's mom-bc, got b's removed.
Mom's twin-recovering from bc, lots of trouble getting through it.
Mom-bc.
What does that mean for me? I have to go to a breast doctor (??) at age 20 and continuously go for the rest of my life. I'm not old enough for that! I don't even know how to look for a "lump."
It's so weird that an awkward lump is a death note. Think about it. Odd chunk of plushy flesh on your boob? Oh, that's just cancer.
Great. Thanks for that.
The worst is my mom apologized for not being able to get me new boots for Christmas. Seriously? I'd rather have a mom than a pair of shoes.
Instead (I like this idea a lot more than boots) we're going to make gingerbread houses, bake mass cookies, watch Christmas movies//drink hot chocolate//eat mass cookies, and drive around to look at the lights. I'm increasingly looking forward to Christmas, just for that.
On that note, I'm going to try and pass out again, considering I was awakened by a friend (Meg) that needed to dish (reminding me of my mom, bringing me to my laptop).
Goodnight, fellow bloggers.
Devan
I got through making my poster this morning, I skipped Math to do it (whoops) but since I'm not almost certain I'm failing Geology, I figured I'd better try to keep my grade up.
It was totally worth the effort, I got a 95! I'm so proud of myself.
I also got through my Effective Writing presentation on why abstinence-only sex ed. should be expanded to comprehensive sex education. I was proud of my efforts, at least. One of my group members was slightly retarded in the "making a powerpoint" sense. I can't understand how a freshman in college has so much trouble making sentences and phrases make sense. This is one of the videos we used, it's rather enjoyable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mG1WMaso2YI
After we presented, I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Nevermind the fact that I skipped Math for the 6th time, 4 more times than we are allowed to be unexcused. Also nevermind my Linguistics test tomorrow, or the fact that I'm not waking up at 8 for the study group like I told myself I would. My day seemed to be ending great.
My friend Katie came back to my room after dinner to tell me stories and we were singing to oldies but goodies (well...Dream Street isn't exactly a goodie, but it made me nostalgic, at least). Then my mom started texting me.
Not that this is a bad thing. I text my parents a lot. It's just that this particular text reminded me that my mom was supposed to be getting test results back for a certain lump that was found...
I tried asking her how she was but she kept ignoring my questions and throwing more of her own back at me. She finally told me to call when I got the chance, so I ushered Katie out of the room (she left willingly, which made me happy...I felt bad kicking her out) and called right away.
So...my mom has breast cancer and I don't know how to feel. I cried when she told me, but I have never been in a situation like this before, and I'm oddly blank. I'm not all that upset, because everyone keeps telling me that it will be fine. Everybody is confident that my mom can get through this. But, what if she doesn't? I don't know if I can handle that. I finally got close to my mom, something I've been trying to achieve practically since birth, and if she leaves me now I don't know what I'd do.
I'm calmer about it now than I was upon receiving the news, but I still get that squishy feeling in my stomach when I think about it. Talking to Sarah and my roommate, Brittany, definitely helped but the feeling won't go away.
I guess for now I'm just going to stay positive.
However, number 1 on my to-do list is to research breast cancer so I can be there with her for the ride. I don't like being kept in the dark.
On a slightly lighter note, my life is fucked.
Dad's mom-stint with bc.
Dad's sister-stint with bc.
Mom's mom-bc, got b's removed.
Mom's twin-recovering from bc, lots of trouble getting through it.
Mom-bc.
What does that mean for me? I have to go to a breast doctor (??) at age 20 and continuously go for the rest of my life. I'm not old enough for that! I don't even know how to look for a "lump."
It's so weird that an awkward lump is a death note. Think about it. Odd chunk of plushy flesh on your boob? Oh, that's just cancer.
Great. Thanks for that.
The worst is my mom apologized for not being able to get me new boots for Christmas. Seriously? I'd rather have a mom than a pair of shoes.
Instead (I like this idea a lot more than boots) we're going to make gingerbread houses, bake mass cookies, watch Christmas movies//drink hot chocolate//eat mass cookies, and drive around to look at the lights. I'm increasingly looking forward to Christmas, just for that.
On that note, I'm going to try and pass out again, considering I was awakened by a friend (Meg) that needed to dish (reminding me of my mom, bringing me to my laptop).
Goodnight, fellow bloggers.
Devan
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Insomniac.
I've been laying in bed for about two hours now--one and a half of those spent reading (Whispers, by Dean Koontz) and the other half spent trying to sleep but only coming up with more and more thoughts.
I haven't been continuously burdened with struggles to fall asleep since I was little. I always thought my imagination didn't know when to shut down, but I grew out of it. Now it seems that my imagination has left me and now my entire brain can't sleep when I want it to.
As of right now, I think it's mostly stress and how badly I deal with it. To put it simply, stress=more procrastination in my mind. This is the worst way to think, but that's how it happened.
My day:
10:00-Wake up, sigh, roll over. Still 20 minutes to sleep.
10:20-Climb out of bed. Check Facebook, i-am-bored, Cracked. Eat oatmeal.
10:40-Frantically get ready for class.
11-Class. Zone out for presentations.
11:45-Realize I have a poster due at noon tomorrow. Freak.
11:46-Oh well.
12:15-Lunch with Meg. Complain about work.
1-Consider doing work. Play Snood.
1:40-Write more of paper due at 7:15.
2:15-Play Snood, check Facebook.
3-Class. Realize poster needs to be really detailed. Freak.
3:40- Out of class early. Buy posterboard and head to library to work.
3:50-Library full. Angrily walk home.
4:10-Consider starting poster. Consider writing paper. Play Snood.
5-Dinner.
5:45-Cigarette.
6-Conclude paper 2 and a half pages earlier than required length. Print.
7:15-Class. Zone.
9-Final essay. Write.
9:30-Out early. Head home instead of library like originally planned.
10-Snood.
10:30-Read.
12:15-Realize have been thinking about nothing for half hour. Decide to write about it.
I know, that was horribly boring. But now I have to figure out how to sleep, how to get this extensive poster done between 10 and 12, when to shower, and when to eat. Not to mention I have a 9AM tomorrow and a presentation at 2. Somehow I feel that only having one cumulative final is really a present for dealing with so much shit the past few weeks.
I'm also starting to freak for several other reasons:
1) I might be failing math.
2) I'm terrified what people will think of that-my dad, my mom, my advisor (it's the easiest math class...how stupid am I?)
3) If I plan on studying abroad, I need to get a copy of my transcript before winter break. I don't know where to get the three dollars. Seriously...this is a big deal.
4) What if I can't study abroad? I might die. Honestly...that's all I have going for me right now.
5) I really want to keep working on my novel.
6) Why can't I finish anything I start?
7) I'm afraid of everything.
That's when I decided I needed to write a little bit. And now I'm here. Complaining to the Internet. And since Shana is the only one that might read this, she'll be sitting at her computer later today, wondering why in the world she told me to make a blog with her.
I wish I wasn't so boring and unoriginal sometimes.
I feel like all I do is complain, but I don't know how to stop.
I haven't been continuously burdened with struggles to fall asleep since I was little. I always thought my imagination didn't know when to shut down, but I grew out of it. Now it seems that my imagination has left me and now my entire brain can't sleep when I want it to.
As of right now, I think it's mostly stress and how badly I deal with it. To put it simply, stress=more procrastination in my mind. This is the worst way to think, but that's how it happened.
My day:
10:00-Wake up, sigh, roll over. Still 20 minutes to sleep.
10:20-Climb out of bed. Check Facebook, i-am-bored, Cracked. Eat oatmeal.
10:40-Frantically get ready for class.
11-Class. Zone out for presentations.
11:45-Realize I have a poster due at noon tomorrow. Freak.
11:46-Oh well.
12:15-Lunch with Meg. Complain about work.
1-Consider doing work. Play Snood.
1:40-Write more of paper due at 7:15.
2:15-Play Snood, check Facebook.
3-Class. Realize poster needs to be really detailed. Freak.
3:40- Out of class early. Buy posterboard and head to library to work.
3:50-Library full. Angrily walk home.
4:10-Consider starting poster. Consider writing paper. Play Snood.
5-Dinner.
5:45-Cigarette.
6-Conclude paper 2 and a half pages earlier than required length. Print.
7:15-Class. Zone.
9-Final essay. Write.
9:30-Out early. Head home instead of library like originally planned.
10-Snood.
10:30-Read.
12:15-Realize have been thinking about nothing for half hour. Decide to write about it.
I know, that was horribly boring. But now I have to figure out how to sleep, how to get this extensive poster done between 10 and 12, when to shower, and when to eat. Not to mention I have a 9AM tomorrow and a presentation at 2. Somehow I feel that only having one cumulative final is really a present for dealing with so much shit the past few weeks.
I'm also starting to freak for several other reasons:
1) I might be failing math.
2) I'm terrified what people will think of that-my dad, my mom, my advisor (it's the easiest math class...how stupid am I?)
3) If I plan on studying abroad, I need to get a copy of my transcript before winter break. I don't know where to get the three dollars. Seriously...this is a big deal.
4) What if I can't study abroad? I might die. Honestly...that's all I have going for me right now.
5) I really want to keep working on my novel.
6) Why can't I finish anything I start?
7) I'm afraid of everything.
That's when I decided I needed to write a little bit. And now I'm here. Complaining to the Internet. And since Shana is the only one that might read this, she'll be sitting at her computer later today, wondering why in the world she told me to make a blog with her.
I wish I wasn't so boring and unoriginal sometimes.
I feel like all I do is complain, but I don't know how to stop.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Major Procrastination.
I knew today was going to be rough. With finals approaching, professors are really loading up on classwork (thanks for that, guys). I have a 6 page paper (which really wouldn't be bad, except I hate my topic) due at 7:15 tonight, except I only have 2 pages done and never got my rough draft back.
I was sitting in linguistics this morning, day dreaming while others had projects to present, and realized that today is the 2nd. Now, this wouldn't ordinarily affect my in any way, except I remembered that I have a poster due tomorrow at 12! Not a big deal, right? I figured I'd just go over to the Student Union building and buy a poster, finishing the project in about 10 minutes.
Wrong. I checked the syllabus and we have to be really in depth and really really REALLY understand what we're talking about.
Too bad I don't.
The poster is on any geological topic we wanted to talk about. A friend of mine picked the topic I wanted (which sucked, because I actually liked that one) so I did a google search for "most destructive tornadoes" and fell upon "The Tri-State Tornado." Perfect, I thought to myself.
Also too bad that I haven't done any further research on it, except to get my abstract done.
So in between playing Snood, checking Facebook, blog stalking, and possibly sitting at my desk in complete silence, I will attempt to get these two obstacles out of the way of my winter break.
Ughh. I really just want to be home again. Two weeks never seemed so long...except for that one time when..Oh! And that other time....Alright, so maybe two weeks has seemed this long before. But as of right now, it still sucks.
On another note, I am completely fascinated by the autosave thinger below the edit window. It saves my work about every minute or two and distracts my attention from what I'm writing. Oh, the wonders of technology. It's like Firefox/Blogspot knows that I'm freaking out that, at any second, my laptop might just go batshit insane. This is actually prone to happen, considering my past luck with technology. I don't know anyone (other than myself) that has gone through so many computers, ipods/other MP3s, cell phones, or anything else technologically advanced.
Oh well I guess.
I'm thinking I might try to continue my paper. After I go to the bathroom. And check Facebook again. Maybe I'll play Snood again...?
I was sitting in linguistics this morning, day dreaming while others had projects to present, and realized that today is the 2nd. Now, this wouldn't ordinarily affect my in any way, except I remembered that I have a poster due tomorrow at 12! Not a big deal, right? I figured I'd just go over to the Student Union building and buy a poster, finishing the project in about 10 minutes.
Wrong. I checked the syllabus and we have to be really in depth and really really REALLY understand what we're talking about.
Too bad I don't.
The poster is on any geological topic we wanted to talk about. A friend of mine picked the topic I wanted (which sucked, because I actually liked that one) so I did a google search for "most destructive tornadoes" and fell upon "The Tri-State Tornado." Perfect, I thought to myself.
Also too bad that I haven't done any further research on it, except to get my abstract done.
So in between playing Snood, checking Facebook, blog stalking, and possibly sitting at my desk in complete silence, I will attempt to get these two obstacles out of the way of my winter break.
Ughh. I really just want to be home again. Two weeks never seemed so long...except for that one time when..Oh! And that other time....Alright, so maybe two weeks has seemed this long before. But as of right now, it still sucks.
On another note, I am completely fascinated by the autosave thinger below the edit window. It saves my work about every minute or two and distracts my attention from what I'm writing. Oh, the wonders of technology. It's like Firefox/Blogspot knows that I'm freaking out that, at any second, my laptop might just go batshit insane. This is actually prone to happen, considering my past luck with technology. I don't know anyone (other than myself) that has gone through so many computers, ipods/other MP3s, cell phones, or anything else technologically advanced.
Oh well I guess.
I'm thinking I might try to continue my paper. After I go to the bathroom. And check Facebook again. Maybe I'll play Snood again...?
Monday, December 1, 2008
I Finally Got a Blog.
I was talking to my friend this morning and she told me that she had gotten a blog, so I decided that I'd get one too. I don't really know what to talk about, as of now, so I guess I'll just introduce myself.
My name is Devan. I'm a freshman in college and I'm majoring in English. I want to be an editor or publisher, and I am currently trying my hand at writing a novel.
I love to sing obnoxious songs in awkward places. Actually, I really just love to sing. This, however, does not mean that I'm a good singer. I guess I'm ok...but whatever.
I love to read too. More than anything. A good book is the world to me. I've actually turned down hanging out with people if I'm reading a great book that I simply can't put down.
Well...I am FAMISHED so I guess I'll leave on that note and get some lunch.
I promise, this will be more interesting when I know what to say!
My name is Devan. I'm a freshman in college and I'm majoring in English. I want to be an editor or publisher, and I am currently trying my hand at writing a novel.
I love to sing obnoxious songs in awkward places. Actually, I really just love to sing. This, however, does not mean that I'm a good singer. I guess I'm ok...but whatever.
I love to read too. More than anything. A good book is the world to me. I've actually turned down hanging out with people if I'm reading a great book that I simply can't put down.
Well...I am FAMISHED so I guess I'll leave on that note and get some lunch.
I promise, this will be more interesting when I know what to say!
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