That's right, my first year of college is over! I can't believe it moved so quickly. I've realized that I may have actually learned quite a bit. Not necessarily in class, but about myself, about life, about love, about friendship.
I also have a few goals to fulfill by the end of the summer:
- Quit smoking- I should never have started (damn Ramsey Hall's smoking krew and being introduced to them) though I made a ton of friends from it. However, it's a bad habit and I'm really working on it. Nick promises to help me and that's all I could ask for.
- Less ganja- This one is going to be a toughy, most likely more difficult than trying to rid myself of the nicotine. NOT because it's addictive (because it's not) but because I feel more confident about not smoking cigarettes at home because I didn't until recently (really awkward sentence, by the way). However, smoking weed passes the time when there's nothing to do in A-town. Nick doesn't want me to quit, just not smoke every single day, but I really want to stop after this summer. I'm starting to feel like such a loser when I smoke and I often feel guilty as well.
- Get license- Really?? Come on now, I'm eighteen. If I don't get my license sometime this summer, my soul might just die.
- New job- This goes for Allentown as well as West Chester. As much as I would LOVE to continue to be part of the AMC staff (gag), I would much rather work somewhere else.
- Try harder- This year, college showed me that I can't get by like I did in high school. Not that I'm failing now, but I used to think I was pretty smart. After these past two semesters, I feel really stupid (not going to lie: I think this has to do with preferring to smoke weed and skip class more than anything else). Nick is also going to help me with this one. He's so obsessed with doing well, maybe it will help my motivation once I can get a fresh start.
- Save money- Cash has always burned a hole in my pocket, and the debit card isn't doing much better. I want to be able to help pay for school and have a little extra money when I actually need it. I don't know how well I'll accomplish this, but I'm really going to try.
- End jealousy- I get crazy jealous of all the pretty girls that Nick is friends with. This ends up hurting both of us, and it's one of the only major problems we have. As corny as this may sound, I have at least one website on handling jealousy saved in my bookmarks, and I read it whenever I start feeling envious. It helps a little bit, and now that my amazing boyfriend has said the precious "L" word, I feel a lot more confident about myself and I'm more comfortable that our relationship is stable.
Honestly, this is the first real boyfriend I've ever had and the experience is almost completely new to me. We haven't even been together three months (at least, not until tomorrow) and I already feel like he knows everything about me that there is to know. This summer without him always around is going to be really difficult, but I know that we can do it if we both want this relationship to work out (which I'm confident that he wants it as much as I). Though he is busy a lot this summer, he's trying to work out times to visit me as much as he can. If I get my license, we can probably see each other a little more and I can come see him instead.
I would really love for this to work out, because, for the first time in my life, I truly love someone.
1 comment:
I think you should start with baby steps. you can't expect yourself to stop cold turkey unless you have a large amount of conviction to do so. i'd say perhaps you could start by lowering the amount you do something such as smoking or thinking of something negative by replacing it with something else.
when you feel the urge to do those specific behaviors you should focus on something that you enjoy doing. something that makes you excited and energizes you. like a hobby such as painting or dancing.
that's an easy way to lay off ganja. i think you're feeling guilty because you have less of a productive life while smoking weed. you feel content simply relaxing and enjoying yourself until you run out of weed. it's also an expensive resource. unless you live near me where i can get 25 dollar cuts of great bud.
if you're looking for a new job, try craigslist for allentown. you'd be surprised at all the postings there are.
skipping class and not studying your notes after class is the major reason that i felt stupid in college. it's the lack of preparation really and the lack of familiarity and time spent with the material i've found.
i'm glad that being with nick has motivated you to change and provoked a new drive for you to redesign your identity. i think you will come to lose that jealousy when you become secure in your identity and confident in your satisfaction with who you are and optimistic as to where you are going. once you get those nailed down, you may feel rather invincible.
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